Jan Skrobotz

"Me, Doctor?"

Sketch by Monty Python, from: Monty Python's Flying Circus, Episode 13.

Cut to a man on a bench in casualty ward set.

Man

Albatross

Doctor and sister enter and go up to him.

Doctor

Mr. Burtenshaw?

Man

Me, Doctor?

Doctor

No, me doctor, you Mr. Burtenshaw.

Man

My wife, doctor?

Doctor

No, your wife patient, me Doctor.

Sister

Come this way please.

Man

Me, Sister?

Doctor

No. She Sister. Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw.

Nurse enters.

Nurse

Doctor Walters?

Doctor

Me, Nurse. (to sister) You Mr. Burtenshaw. (to man) She Sister. You Doctor. (to nurse)

Nurse

No, doctor.

Doctor

No Doctor? Call ambulance. Keep warm.

Sister

Drink, doctor?

Doctor

Drink doctor. Eat Sister. Cook Mr. Burtenshaw. Nurse me.

Nurse

You, doctor?

Doctor

Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw. She Nurse.

Man

But my wife, Nurse.

Doctor

Your wife not nurse. She Nurse. Your wife patient. Be patient. She Nurse. Your wife. Me doctor. Yew Tree. U- trecht. U-trillo, U Thant, Euphemism. Me Doctor.
(knight walks in quickly and hits him over the head with a chicken)
Albatross!

Women's Institute applaud.